So today I did some singing in church today. Now, I wasnt the only one singing, and it was for 1st-5th graders, so I dont know how much they cared about me singing. I know they enjoy me being there, just like I always enjoyed older kids helping out, since they were so cool. I'd like to say I did this performance nerve free, but even in front of little kids I was kind of nervous to sing. That's okay with me, its a good place to start on my performing in front of people resolution. I dont think it is quite the right fit for me, I'm to serious to lead for a bunch of kids. Though next week I am taking the lead pretty much, but this girl Becka is going to do the talking to kids part, so that works for me. If it goes well, maybe I'll move onto some high school stuff. We shall see.
I have been saying for a while now that I am a BMW of a person. Yeah I need repairs now and then, and they come at a high price, but when I am in good condition, I go strong. Also, If you keep fixing me up, I will run great for a long, long time. Then recently I realized that my car has basically been with me just for this period of life that I have gotten injured. I got it less than a week after I first tore my ACL, and it has been with me since, undergoing its own amount of 'injuries.' What I am trying to say by all of this is that my car has represented this stage of my life in it's own way. Nothing more, nothing less. I have been thinking about getting another car since this one has had a lot of money put into it, and I dont want to keep dumping money into it. However, these last two years of my life have been a mess at times, but I cant control what happens with my life and how often I work properly. I dont know what I think about all this, I just needed to say it.
I think I need to work on some spiritual stuff. I have this desire to grow closer to God but I struggle to get over some bad habits that I have, like anger and pride. Pride is a very hard one for me because I like the stuff that I take pride in. I'm proud of my work ethic and skill in basketball, of staying in good shape, of generally being well liked, and other truly good things, and I dont want to change that stuff about myself, but my approach needs to change I think. For example, not comparing myself to others on the court, and not worrying about how good other people think I am in order to simply play how the team needs me to without thinking about stats. I struggle with that stuff, and it needs to change not just so I can be a better teammate, but so that I can get rid of my pride and grow to who God wants me to be. I will never attain my potential in basketball or spiritual life without dropping some pride.
This show called The Cape started tonight, so I am watching it while blogging, and let me tell you, it is a nice experience. Nice action and it's pretty funny. I will warn you some of the stuff with the superheros is pretty fake or goofy, but its fake and goofy like a comic book, so I am totally okay with it.
Well I was going to end there, but I thought of something else. I keep reading Brian Welch's book Stronger, and he talks about these crazy emotional experiences with God. Like kind of trippy sounding stuff, crazy awesome stuff, but a little crazy sounding. I'm guessing brian could use it because of all the drugs he has been on, obviously he relates to those crazy emotional experiences so God let him know that He is better than any high a drug could give you. But I never experience stuff like that, and I'm not totally sure why. I'm just curious about the whole deal, because Im totally sure about my relatonship with Christ, and from what I have read and heard, Brian has a true relationship with Christ. I understand that everyone speaks to God in a different way, and He gives us each spiritual gifts, but there is a drastic difference in how God shows Himself to me and Brian Welch. Sometimes I wish I felt more emotion when praying, and then other times I'm fine with a lot of logic and musical worship. Just another thing I have been thinking about but dont really know how I feel about it.
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